Pick that head up girl!!!

Today I woke up. I am ready to show myself some tough love b/c I am a tough bitch and not a weeny. So no more weeny-ness. I can't wallow in this stagnancy anymore. I gave myself a month to grieve the fact that the door to my old life has been closed and now its time to celebrate the opening of new one. Its a whole new chapter. I have a beautiful family that loves me to the core. I still have amazing friends no matter how often I see them. Me and Anthony were very blessed to be able to buy a brand new home that is perfect for us even though our country is in financial chaos. I know that my job is not easy right now but it is not what defines me and it certainly is not going to be my career forever. But it blesses me with the opportunity to bring home a full time income with part time hours, and to be able to be with my daughter during the day and 4 nights a week. I am very lucky to only have to leave her for 24 hours a week. As far as a 2nd child goes, I am leaving that one up to God. He knows what I can and can't handle and perhaps me not getting pregnant was a sign. A sign that now is the time to work hard b/c we own a house and financial responsibility is crucial when you own a home. That is just the way it is. I can't argue with it. I can only look around and count the blessings that I do have instead of focus on what isn't in the picture. And today I did just that. I looked at my life from different standpoint and realized that I am an incredibly lucky girl. So now I am showing myself some tough love, picking my head up, squaring my shoulders, and marching right back out into that world b/c life is short and I'm La Dolce Vita for Pete's sake!!! There ain't no crying over Starbucks in the sweet life. lol. Thank you all for your support and love. It certainly is the fuel that keeps me going everyday. Ciao...xoxoxox.

Home is where your heart is?

So I guess part of having a blog is to share the ups and Downs of what is going on in your life. I have been trying to deny myself of what I have been feeling lately b/c it prob sounds selfish and ungrateful to some but I can't help how I feel. So maybe if I blog about it I will feel better and things will improve.

So, basically we have been in the house 1 1/2 months and don't get me wrong, I know I said in a previous post how wild I was about the area and I still feel that way. The problem is, I miss Middletown. I never in a million years thought I would say that but I do. I miss being close to everyone and everything. I miss my job being 5 minutes away (I will get to more on that too). I miss Starbucks and taco bell and the mall. I miss sushi delivery from Tai Fu. I miss having everything I could possibly need at my fingertips. I also miss my apartment. Call me crazy but its going to take a while before this house feels like home. I know its big and roomy and beautiful, but it just doesn't feel like home yet. There is a huge piece of my heart that just isn't here yet. I know it will happen over time but I am feeling a little empty right now.

About a month ago I also started a new job. I now work at a restaurant about 20 minutes away but I think this has been the hardest readjustment for me to deal with. I miss Outback so badly that my heart literally aches just thinking about it. I miss feeling important: to my customers & to my co-workers. I miss knowing my job. I miss knowing the inside jokes. I miss having off Fridays and Saturdays b/c now my jewelry business is suffering as well as any time I had to see my family. My new job is fairly easy, the people I work with are nice, the customers are nice for the most part. But again, just like with the apartment, it just doesn't feel like home. There is a huge piece that is just incredibly unfulfilling to me. I just don't feel like I belong. Not to Outback anymore and not yet to my new job. Its awfully lonely. I did however, meet a girl named Stephanie who has been my saving grace. She works with me there and we have bonded greatly. She has an 8 month old son and a fiance who gets along with Ant pretty good. We take turns watching each other's kids to get errands done or to get our hair done. And we hang out together so I think if it wasn't for having a friend out here I would have lost my mind. I have my in-laws too but with our work schedules I haven't even been able to see much of them either. Lets just say its been hard.

Another thing that has been bothering me is that for a while, me and Ant were trying for another baby, about 6 months with no success. It bothers me b/c now we have stopped trying b/c money is tight and there is no way that I could give up working. During my pregnancy with Sophia, I had pretty bad gestational diabetes and working in a restaurant was difficult to stay on top of eating on time and taking my insulin. Now it feels like it will never happen. That depresses me alot. I see so many people having their 2nd and I just wish that it could be me too.

After reading this alot of you may think its foolish for me to be complaining about things that may seem superficial or silly. But everyone has their story and their share of daily struggles and these happen to be mine. I just needed this time to vent b/c I hate to say it but I really am not very happy right now. Maybe I am just PMS'ing but I feel like shit. And it feels good to blow off some steam. I love you all. Ciao. xoxo

Our little piece of earth...

Ok so after much procrastination...I am posting pics of the house!!! Let me know what you all think!!!

I'll start with the exterior:The downstairs bathroom/laundry room:

Downstairs Foyer: The office/3rd bedroom where we are obviously storing other misc. junk:

Sophia's bedroom: Kitchen & Dining Room:

Upstairs Half Bathroom:

Living Room:Our Bedroom: Master Bathroom:

Walk in closet in our bedroom:

Back Deck:

My Kitties wanted to be in the pic:

So did Sophia:Garage:

There you have it! It is a little bare and a bit messy, but it is home sweet home to us! I know through the years we will have time to decorate and buy new furniture but it has everything we need right now and we are enjoying it 100%! I hope you all like it too!

Ciao! xoxoxo

Food for your eyes.

I am in this kind of mood...