So I guess part of having a blog is to share the ups and Downs of what is going on in your life. I have been trying to deny myself of what I have been feeling lately b/c it prob sounds selfish and ungrateful to some but I can't help how I feel. So maybe if I blog about it I will feel better and things will improve.
So, basically we have been in the house 1 1/2 months and don't get me wrong, I know I said in a previous post how wild I was about the area and I still feel that way. The problem is, I miss Middletown. I never in a million years thought I would say that but I do. I miss being close to everyone and everything. I miss my job being 5 minutes away (I will get to more on that too). I miss Starbucks and taco bell and the mall. I miss sushi delivery from Tai Fu. I miss having everything I could possibly need at my fingertips. I also miss my apartment. Call me crazy but its going to take a while before this house feels like home. I know its big and roomy and beautiful, but it just doesn't feel like home yet. There is a huge piece of my heart that just isn't here yet. I know it will happen over time but I am feeling a little empty right now.
About a month ago I also started a new job. I now work at a restaurant about 20 minutes away but I think this has been the hardest readjustment for me to deal with. I miss Outback so badly that my heart literally aches just thinking about it. I miss feeling important: to my customers & to my co-workers. I miss knowing my job. I miss knowing the inside jokes. I miss having off Fridays and Saturdays b/c now my jewelry business is suffering as well as any time I had to see my family. My new job is fairly easy, the people I work with are nice, the customers are nice for the most part. But again, just like with the apartment, it just doesn't feel like home. There is a huge piece that is just incredibly unfulfilling to me. I just don't feel like I belong. Not to Outback anymore and not yet to my new job. Its awfully lonely. I did however, meet a girl named Stephanie who has been my saving grace. She works with me there and we have bonded greatly. She has an 8 month old son and a fiance who gets along with Ant pretty good. We take turns watching each other's kids to get errands done or to get our hair done. And we hang out together so I think if it wasn't for having a friend out here I would have lost my mind. I have my in-laws too but with our work schedules I haven't even been able to see much of them either. Lets just say its been hard.
Another thing that has been bothering me is that for a while, me and Ant were trying for another baby, about 6 months with no success. It bothers me b/c now we have stopped trying b/c money is tight and there is no way that I could give up working. During my pregnancy with Sophia, I had pretty bad gestational diabetes and working in a restaurant was difficult to stay on top of eating on time and taking my insulin. Now it feels like it will never happen. That depresses me alot. I see so many people having their 2nd and I just wish that it could be me too.
After reading this alot of you may think its foolish for me to be complaining about things that may seem superficial or silly. But everyone has their story and their share of daily struggles and these happen to be mine. I just needed this time to vent b/c I hate to say it but I really am not very happy right now. Maybe I am just PMS'ing but I feel like shit. And it feels good to blow off some steam. I love you all. Ciao. xoxo
4 comments:
Oh Meg. I know people hate to hear I know how you are feeling, but I do. For the homesick & job portion of it anyways. That is how I felt & still do a little when I moved here from Massapequa. I missed the convience, ,my apartment, my family, even my job. It takes time... You completely changed every aspect of your life's surroundings in one shot... It's understandable to feel like that... If you need me you know where I am! I love you SIL....
Lay
Megan, I'm sorry that you're feeling so down right now. But please don't apologize for venting. We all have our own struggles that we're facing and they are real and important and stressful. I completely understand how it makes you feel guilty for complaining or for even feeling the way you feel but you can't beat yourself up. Your problems are real and you have to go through the stages of dealing with them. And I'm starting to realize that sometimes being selfish is okay. You can't always be cheerful and happy and giving when you feel like you're dying inside. Sometimes you need to be selfish and work on what's going on with you first. You can't truly make anyone else happy if you're not happy first. Keep blogging... I think it helps to get the feelings out. Keep your head up. You are strong and you will get through this tough time. I love you.
Thank you so much. I am so lucky to have the family that I have. And Tricia,even though you're so many states away, I still feel the love, support, and closeness that our family has always had.I don't know where I'd be without it! I love you too!!!
aww dont be sad. it will get better... don't forget lady, i'm a phone call away... anytime u need a tj maxx fix u let me know!
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